On this day...
by Philip Butler
On this day, what have I become? I went looking for Sin, it was easy enough to find just a short trip over the side of my make shift raft and there I was, swimming in it. That disturbs me, but what disturbs me more is my inability to flee. It is easy enough to talk about resisting Temptation when none is present but when we stare her in the face, looking at her welcoming embrace that will soon destroy us, we start to slip. So, I sit here wallowing in Sin, right next to me is my good friend Regret. Regret leaves his mark on my life, he sits there and wishes we were on dry land instead of stranded in this ocean. Regret does have his uses, especially when Temptation re-appears. Regret is usually accompanied by Fear. Fear is very panicky, she sits there and mumbles about how she has to make sure that no one finds out what I've done. Once in a while Justification will tell her that those people have probably done worse. I hate Justification almost as much as I hate myself, he is always whispering to me that I'm not as bad as other people. These three are always surrounding me no matter what I do, but in the background there is an old man that never sleeps he constantly reminds me of my wrongs. The old man never speaks a word he is just simply there, I remember faintly that Fear told me once that the man was her father, his name was Guilt. These are the friends that never leave me, the dark cloud if Depression hangs over us, we never smile. There are two more which I have failed to mention the first has already been mentioned, she is Temptation. Temptation is quite a creature, stunningly beautiful, amazingly eloquent, she speaks soothingly coaxing me in to the grip of Sin who is the ocean itself. Sin rarely makes huge waves to push our raft farther into the ocean, (he did so today) but prefers to let us drift and this allows those on the raft to have their full effect. I mentioned that Regret was somewhat useful when Temptation arrived, what I mention by this is that he sits next to me and reminds me of what happened the last time I accepted her offer. This is not to say that Regret's strategy works, it merely gives me pause. I somehow think that even if all the people on this little raft of mine stood up together to stop Temptation she would prove more than a match for them. So, what am I to do? There is no escaping the nefarious duo of Temptation and Sin. Nowhere to go but down, no alternative, so I prepare to begin it all again, to once again be pulled farther into this ocean of darkness. My last thought before I let Temptation carry the raft away is that there is no point to my life, it's just a cycle never to be broken. But then, just as I feel the waves of Sin washing over the boat and onto my feet I hear a voice call to me from across the eastern sky. I stop. I hear this voice from time to time, it tells me that there is a point to my life and that all is not lost. Temptation shows her true colors as she attempts to push me into the dark waters. The voice now claims it can save me from this fate. After more years than I can count I finally find the courage to respond to the voice, I ask how it could save me from so far away(as far as I knew I was the only one on this ocean) instead of answering my question the voice asks me if I want out. I look at those around me sitting in the raft Regret, Fear, Justification, and Guilt. Temptation once again attempts to throw me overboard but I seem to be rooted in place. I then looked at all the waters of Sin that surrounded me. (I did not want to look at Temptation again lest the deed would allow her to gain power over me) I shout to the voice that I will take anyway out possible. The voice tells me to climb aboard. I stand perplexed for a minute only to realize that a boat that had apparently been pulled along side my raft. There is a figure sitting in the boat, she tells me that her name is Grace and that the person I was speaking to was Faith. I ask where she comes from and she says that both she and Faith are gifts to lead me on my way. Suddenly Guilt is clawing at me and for the first time he speaks. He says that they can not accept me for who I am and that I've done too much. Fear is shaking telling me not to go. Regret tells me he'll see me soon. Justification tells me that I'm better than them anyway. Sin churns beneath my boat. Temptation grabs my arm and tells me to come with her. I look back at Grace as she holds out her hand and asks me to take it. With a voice sweeter than Temptation's she tells me that there is someone waiting for me just beyond the horizon. I take her hand and step into the boat. As I sit down all those who used to be my friends disappear, even Sin is silent. Grace tells me to close my eyes and that I will be with Him soon. As I close my eyes I feel a rush of air on my face and I can't resist opening them again. When I do I am standing on nothing, I am soaring through the air, nothing but endless sky as far as I can see. I land on a cloud. Grace is there along with a man I assume is Faith but there is another man. He is sitting on a throne, His face is like the sun, blindingly radiant. He tells me that He has waited many years for this moment and that I belong to Him and that none can take me away. But He also tells me that I can not be with Him until the time has come. This saddens me greatly but then He tells me that He will be sending Faith, Love, and Peace with me. He then tells me that He loves me and that He will see me soon. I close my eyes again only forced to open them again when I hear waves smashing against my boat. I am back on the sea but things are different now. Faith always reminds me that just beyond the horizon He is waiting for me. Love helps me find others who are drifting in order that I may tell them He is waiting for them as well. Peace helps me weather the storms of the sea and helps me forget those many years of drifting. I still see Temptation from time to time, she is not as beautiful as she once was but I suspect that is my perception of her. Sin is a recurring character in my life as he is still the ocean however, Grace is always quick to combat this monster. I who sat in never-ending darkness have been found by the light. I am at last satisfied. I am no longer drifting. I am sailing. The journey is long but I am blessed. I finally have an answer, On this day, what have I become? Free.
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