I think that this blog will become more of a place for my thoughts and random rants. Today is one that's school and migraine related. Every semester I hit a point where I feel as though I am on the edge of an emotional breakdown. Almost every semester, I do have an emotional breakdown. I am on that edge now, and it is made worse by having a truly awful migraine. This one has aura, and it makes it so that I get stuck on words (I will repeat one word and then lose the rest of the thought). So on top of being stressed out by school, I'm getting embarrassed by my own body/mind.
Sometimes life is hard.
But it is always good.
In Jeremiah, the prophet is talking about something that God says to us.
"For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11)
Now, this verse is almost over-used, and frequently out of context. If you look at the context, it's God talking to the exiled Israelites, who have been given over to Babylon. Now, if God can say that His plans are for our good in THAT situation, than how much more true is it for us in our personal struggles.
God has a plan for me, and it is a good one.
I just need to continue to trust.
4.06.2014
5.28.2013
Pain medications?
Wow... so it's been almost a year since I posted last. I'm sorry? I could give excuses, but that's not really worth the time or energy and I don't think anyone really wants to read that.
So a week ago today I had all four of my wisdom teeth removed. For 3 weeks leading up to that, I had a constant migraine. My theory for this is that the roots of the wisdom teeth, combined with the pressure, and the fact that they were trying to move they were pressing on the nearest cranial nerves (probably the trigeminal nerve and/or the auditory nerve) and causing the migraines. This, however, meant that I was constantly taking some sort of pain medication-- the most common of these being percocet. -_-# This on its own is no fun.
Then came the wisdom teeth removal-- and then vicodin. Now I am trying to wean myself off of the vicodin.
This sucks.
I am coming out of four weeks of narcotic use, and trying to stop that use, even somewhat gently, is no fun.
Headache, dizziness, sweaty... and to be honest? Temperamental.
Sorry for whining.
I'm looking for prayer, but also maybe for advice? I don't know if anyone who reads this has experience with this sort of thing, but tips for easing the symptoms of mild narcotic withdrawal is something I'd sure love to hear.
So a week ago today I had all four of my wisdom teeth removed. For 3 weeks leading up to that, I had a constant migraine. My theory for this is that the roots of the wisdom teeth, combined with the pressure, and the fact that they were trying to move they were pressing on the nearest cranial nerves (probably the trigeminal nerve and/or the auditory nerve) and causing the migraines. This, however, meant that I was constantly taking some sort of pain medication-- the most common of these being percocet. -_-# This on its own is no fun.
Then came the wisdom teeth removal-- and then vicodin. Now I am trying to wean myself off of the vicodin.
This sucks.
I am coming out of four weeks of narcotic use, and trying to stop that use, even somewhat gently, is no fun.
Headache, dizziness, sweaty... and to be honest? Temperamental.
Sorry for whining.
I'm looking for prayer, but also maybe for advice? I don't know if anyone who reads this has experience with this sort of thing, but tips for easing the symptoms of mild narcotic withdrawal is something I'd sure love to hear.
7.13.2012
That Migraine Feel--
When the expert you're going to for help with your complicated migraine doesn't understand the up-to-date studies about migraines. Also-- that migraine feel when the expert you're going to for help with your migraines tries to tell you that the non-pain symptoms you're having aren't really migraine, they're just "migraine-related dizziness".
...
...
...
*facepalm*
...
...
...
*facepalm*
6.29.2012
The Migraine Diaries
So... I'm going to write about something a little different here right now.
I'm going to write this as an explanation, but also hopefully as an encouragement.
I have been having migraines since I was twelve years old. I am now 21.
I want to start by saying that migraines are not simply headaches.
They were fairly debilitating when I was younger. I would just lay in bed, and it was difficult to try and do school (fortunately, I was homeschooled so I was able to do my homework in bed most of the time).
I have had, and do have, the typical migraine symptoms: sensitivity to light, sensitivity to sound, and nausea.
As I got older, the migraines got weirder. They started lasting longer, and having worse symptoms.
In the last year, I have had migraines that have caused me to have visual and auditory hallucinations. Such as hearing voices calling me from the emergency exit of a lecture hall, seeing cockroaches crawling everywhere around me, and seeing pills laying around my home. Suffice it to say that none of these things were real.
Without my preventative medication, I have chronic migraine.
I have aura. Which means that there are odd halos around things, and occasionally odd lights or shapes floating in the air. Sometimes, it means that I see things in weird colors. I have once seen half the world in blue and half the world in orange. Just the other day, one of my eyes saw the world separately and in red and blue. The other eye was unaffected. The only way I could explain what I felt was that my vision had dissociated.
My migraines have clouded my thinking, making it hard for me to think and to do homework.
I have found out rare symptoms of migraines that I thought were just how life worked.
I have been afraid that I was schizophrenic, but now can see that those symptoms were rare migraine symptoms.
I have felt insane.
I have had doctors ignore my explanations of my "weird migraines", and all of the symptoms that aren't "normal" and write my migraines off as "common migraine".
I have had several health issues that could not be diagnosed by doctors. Now, looking back, those could have all been very complicated migraines.
I am currently on day 6 of a migraine. The reason I am able to type this is because I just got a new prescription for a pain medication that could become addictive.
I will fight against that with everything I have.
The reason I have this medication is because the doctors were "out" of the injections that have managed to stop my long migraines previously.
I am not angry at my doctor. I like her.
I am discouraged.
...
...
... but I have hope.
I want to share my hope with other people with "complicated" or chronic migraine.
You are not insane.
You are not alone.
And I am here to talk with you if you want.
To my friends who have known me for a long time: Thank you for supporting me. Please continue to pray for me as I try to navigate this new stage of medical difficulties. Thank you again.
*chu*
I'm going to write this as an explanation, but also hopefully as an encouragement.
I have been having migraines since I was twelve years old. I am now 21.
I want to start by saying that migraines are not simply headaches.
They were fairly debilitating when I was younger. I would just lay in bed, and it was difficult to try and do school (fortunately, I was homeschooled so I was able to do my homework in bed most of the time).
I have had, and do have, the typical migraine symptoms: sensitivity to light, sensitivity to sound, and nausea.
As I got older, the migraines got weirder. They started lasting longer, and having worse symptoms.
In the last year, I have had migraines that have caused me to have visual and auditory hallucinations. Such as hearing voices calling me from the emergency exit of a lecture hall, seeing cockroaches crawling everywhere around me, and seeing pills laying around my home. Suffice it to say that none of these things were real.
Without my preventative medication, I have chronic migraine.
I have aura. Which means that there are odd halos around things, and occasionally odd lights or shapes floating in the air. Sometimes, it means that I see things in weird colors. I have once seen half the world in blue and half the world in orange. Just the other day, one of my eyes saw the world separately and in red and blue. The other eye was unaffected. The only way I could explain what I felt was that my vision had dissociated.
My migraines have clouded my thinking, making it hard for me to think and to do homework.
I have found out rare symptoms of migraines that I thought were just how life worked.
I have been afraid that I was schizophrenic, but now can see that those symptoms were rare migraine symptoms.
I have felt insane.
I have had doctors ignore my explanations of my "weird migraines", and all of the symptoms that aren't "normal" and write my migraines off as "common migraine".
I have had several health issues that could not be diagnosed by doctors. Now, looking back, those could have all been very complicated migraines.
I am currently on day 6 of a migraine. The reason I am able to type this is because I just got a new prescription for a pain medication that could become addictive.
I will fight against that with everything I have.
The reason I have this medication is because the doctors were "out" of the injections that have managed to stop my long migraines previously.
I am not angry at my doctor. I like her.
I am discouraged.
...
...
... but I have hope.
I want to share my hope with other people with "complicated" or chronic migraine.
You are not insane.
You are not alone.
And I am here to talk with you if you want.
To my friends who have known me for a long time: Thank you for supporting me. Please continue to pray for me as I try to navigate this new stage of medical difficulties. Thank you again.
*chu*
3.11.2012
Prayer requests
1.) Adrenal symptoms: For those of you who remember when I got sick a few years ago, and those who walked through it with me, I seem to be having a mild relapse. I felt really bad today. I am feeling better today, but not good. I need to get back to my better practices (and in light of that, I need to go to bed). Please pray for me, that God would bring me healing, and also that I would have the discipline to make the life changes to balance my body.
2.) Spirit of anxiety: I identified a spirit of anxiety in myself last night. I have had it for a long time. So long that I cannot pin down exactly when it invaded my life. I can remember a time, though, when I was adventurous and carefree. I know that as a Christian I am not called to have a spirit of fear, so I would really like prayer for this. Please pray that I would be able to banish this spirit of anxiety and embrace the freedom and liberation from fear that Christ has given me.
Thank you very much.
*chu*
2.29.2012
Confession #11
This song is probably my number one, guilty pleasure, top-of-my-lungs singing song. Yes... that was an odd sentence. So, let's try it again. I absolutely adore singing this song at the top of my lungs. It is probably my number one guilty pleasure for loud singing.
Ahem.
Anyway....
I just thought I would share.....
*wink*
2.16.2012
Confession #10
Sometimes I forget that I'm already twenty-one and an adult. Then, something happens to remind me. For example, in a joyous event, one of my best friends got engaged on Tuesday! (Yes, yes... Valentine's Day... from what I hear it was quite romantic.) Another example, much less joyous, one of my longtime best friends may no longer be coming to our Youth Group soon. While I don't really blame him, he is also an adult now, I will definitely miss him. He, another younger best friend, and I are the only remaining three from when the Group started up. I already feel sad sometimes that so many of the friends that I grew up with and was so close to during high school have gone off to college away from home, and are moving on with their lives. I don't blame them, absolutely not! In fact, I'm quite proud of them for following God's plan for their lives. It just is difficult to be one of two college students that stayed in the area.
I guess what I'm getting at is... sometimes I am surprised by change. Yes, that's it....
Confession #10:
Sometimes, change takes me off guard.
EDIT: My friend ended up still coming to the youth group.
EDIT: My friend ended up still coming to the youth group.
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